Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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