Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize