I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
