i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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