sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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