Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
