found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
3pm strippers are depressing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
