Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
