Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
