i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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