yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
