I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
