I CAN MOONWALK!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
