we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
