my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
