I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
