my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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