Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He shit in the fireplace
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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