I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
