Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
