ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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