Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
