Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
