thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
