the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
