god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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