if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
