Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
