a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
zippers are such a cool invention
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
