How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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