three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
