Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
