I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
