So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
