oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
