You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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