Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
