I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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