Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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