That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
