He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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