she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
