i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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