You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
