u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We are two peas in an std pod
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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