Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
