i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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