Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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