Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
