he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
