he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
