There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
