White coat. Heels.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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