you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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