So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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