The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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