Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
