Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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