ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
