Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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