people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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