She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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