when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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