it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
