I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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