The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
