I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This house was built for laser tag.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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