from now on my penis is your penis
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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