Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
