Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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